The loopy huckster at Hillbuzz, Kevin DuJan, is at it again, dragging random people -- yours truly among them -- into his fantasy world to gin up donations. Backstory here.
Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, another innocent party involuntarily playing Sauron to DuJan’s Hildo Douchebaggins, has responded here. [THWACK!]
I offer the following graphic novelini as MY response:
KEVIN DUJAN: SUCKERS NEVER SLEEP (CHAPTER ONE)
That morning in late November didn’t seem like an especially auspicious day when Hillbuzz.org blogger Kevin DuJan awoke. A stranger's chewed-off arm rested under his head on a pillow, like most Saturday mornings.
He tossed it onto the pile with the others and logged onto his PayPal site.
Blanching in horror at the dwindling sum in the Hillbuzz account, he quickly called a meeting with his co-bloggers, known collectively as The Boyz. (Some people don't believe The Boyz are real, but they totally ARE. Latex is real...)
DuJan and The Boyz discussed how The War Widow Incident had cut into their receipts and readership. All agreed that it wasn’t DuJan’s fault -- that stupid War Widow had it coming for refusing to volunteer for the USO.
The meeting stretched on into lunch, with Dujan and The Boyz discussing ways to get the donations flowing again. DuJan ate most of the pizza.
Well, all of it, actually. But DuJan totally deserved it all since he had the only workable idea: Play the victim card. The Boyz -- Koala, Kevorkian and Juanito -- looked skeptical (well, to DuJan anyway). But the last time DuJan slandered a bunch of strangers in pursuit of cash from the gullible chumps who read his site, it had panned out well.
DuJan's tale of woe and persecution was linked by numerous irresponsible, high-profile wingnuts (including Glenn Reynolds) who didn’t bother to check if his story held water (it didn’t). The money rolled in, as did appearances on Breitbart “TV” and assorted wingnut podcast outfits.
So, even though The Boyz are totally real, equal co-bloggers and not either entirely fictitious or blow-up dolls or something, DuJan's strategy prevailed at the meeting's conclusion. He sent out a press release proclaiming his availability to serve as a bridge between the gay community and religious conservatives. It contained a link to the original “they’re out to get me” lie, once again dragging total strangers into DuJan’s delusions of persecution.
Then, he wrote a post in what he imagined was soaring, Churchillian rhetoric proclaiming that he would never knuckle under to the Alinski Death Star (uh, that would be me and a few other pretty darn obscure bloggers).
His fingers fairly flew across the keyboard as he wrote about an Obama White House plot to silence his shitty little blog and how Rush Limbaugh and other Verah Big, Verah Powerful People would come to his rescue once the Obama Gestapo seized his website.
After that, he posted a bunch of heartwarming photos of Sarah and little Trig -- he and The Boyz privately called this tactic "lighting the Sarah beacon" -- and railed against Obama TSA thugs, Muslims and George Soros, ticking off the wingnut hot-button items from a list compiled from old Glenn Beck episodes.
This was sure to turn on the Fount of Donations!
But the next day when he logged onto his PayPal account, there was even less money than the day before. The donations weren’t coming in. Worse, he found out some of his steady donors had defected due to the fall-out after the War Widow Incident. They had started a blog behind his back to rake him over the coals and unmask him as a phony.
He called another meeting with The Boyz. This time, there wasn’t even enough money for pizza. The Boyz were restive (well, DuJan thought so.). But DuJan knew what to do. He’d go dark! He'd pull the plug on his blog for a few days and blame it on Obama-Soros. He’d already set that scenario up with his Churchillian post. Because he's a far-sighted guy...
The Boyz responded to that idea in the only way they knew how -- with a faint whiff of latex. But DuJan knew he could play yet another round of PUMAs and Palinites for suckers. And the media, to the extent they pay a nano-second's attention to him, never bother Googling "Kevin DuJan" to make sure he's not some kind of raving frootloop or pathological liar. They hadn't yet, and therefore, it would always work that way. DuJan was sure of it!
...to be continued…maybe…